My desk chair broke yesterday. Justin sat on it, and his fat ass broke it. The right leg was starting to crack, but he sat on it and the left leg like just like split in half. It was still usable, but barely. After sitting on it for a while though, it finally snapped off while I tried to move it to get a more suitable chair, i.e. one that wasn't freaking broken.

So now I'm sitting on one of the uncomfortable dorm chairs that I was supposed to use as my desk chair. This upsets me.

On another note, I have a problem.... I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. I have discovered that it is very hard for me to be honest with myself about what I like, about my dreams, about my goals, etc. I don't know what I like! HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?!?!?!

Sigh, okay, let me try this again: I like the beach, I like being with my family, I like being outdoors, I like writing, I like taking photographs, I like cooking, I like doing simple algebra problems, I like learning, I like discoveries, crap this is boring....

Round three: Alright, here's what I'm thinking, my top three majors are: Nutrition, Geology, and Environmental Studies. My problem is that I like learning about things like biology and nutrion and geology. I feel like my high school education has prepared me for this. I don't kn*fuck i just bit my tongue!!!* ow what to do with my life! I could major in one of my three choices, and become a scientist and whatnot, and go work in some labratory. That might be fine. However, I have this part of me that keeps telling me to do something with business..... That I should do something with money. I just can't shake this feeling, and quite frankly it's getting really annoying.

I feel like business and money is what is important to our society. I should do something that helps society. I should do something important. Not that becoming a scientist isn't important, it just seems antisocial. The other thing is that it doesn't jive with my personality traits. I'm a freaking anal retentive person. Both my parents had/have careers in accounting/banking. IM JEWISH. ITS IN MY BLOOD. BUT I DONT LIKE ECONOMICS! I FIND IT BORING! The two classes I hated the most in high school were American Government and Economics. I also hated history until I started reading the books. Business just seems so vague to me. Perhaps I didn't like economics cause I didn't like the teacher, or I didn't give it a chance. Who the hell knows, I second guess everything. It's horrible. I have no absolute truths. It is not in my vocabulary.

I can't get the idea in my head that eventually I will have to work! Eventually, I will need to earn enough money to survive.

Justin mentioned something to me yesterday, that we could both become architects and have our own business, and make tons of money. He also mentioned that I would be the hot babe and talk to all the male clientel, while he could talk to all the women.... But anyways, I really liked that idea. I've thought about becoming an architect. I don't know if its because of The Fountainhead or because my cousin is an architect, but it's a job I could respect. I could choose my own hours and do basically whatever I wanted. Too bad I've never shown any real interest in architecture. I like building houses on The Sims but I don't think that qualifies.

My problem is that I haven't had enough experiences in life. Sure, I've been on mini family vacation adventures, but the things I like are built around the things I grew up with. I didn't grow up knowing about business. I didn't grow up in a business. I grew up taking math, science, and reading courses in school. I grew up going to the beach. I grew up hiking out west. I grew up respecting private business. Perhaps if I took art in high school I would be all "I wanna be an architect!" Maybe if I was treasurer of a club I would be like "I wanna be an accountant" But nooooooooooooo, I had to be lazy and spend most of my time playing piano, doing homework, and performing in musicals. None of which are suitable career paths.

Okay, this is my freaking problem! Again! I would probably really like to major in nutrition, then go to culinary school, and get a job cooking, or telling random people what to eat. But.....

You know what, maybe I will go to UF and take nutrition. maybe I'll take geology....

Maybe I'll kill myself and get it over with.

I have good stuff going on at UCF though. I'm in the honors college (makes me feel special), I have a good scholarship (makes me not have to work), and most of my friends are nearby.

At UF they have more choices (haha exactly what I need). Sara is also going there. I'll probably be lonely though. It's a slightly better school than UCF.

Perhaps I should go to USF and major in Marine Biology! hahahahahahahahahahaha!

I feel like I'm MEANT to be something, but I don't know what that is yet. I need to know now. I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I've started crying three times in the past two days. God this entry is pathetic.